Useless Column: Ghana to spoil Nigeria’s jollof? – Nsemkeka
“Odeneku passes the ball to Okenedu’ oo noo it is rather Okenedu who headed the ball away from Odeneku”, the commentary goes. At the end of the day you won’t know exactly who is passing the ball to who! Ei Naija, our beloved cousins, Una welcom oooo!
Finidi George passes the ball to Friday Elahor. The ball has been intercepted by Emmanuel Armah ‘Senegal’ of Ghana but ooo he loses it to Sunday Oliseh. Oliseh sends a long pass and it is headed away by Mohammed Gago.
It is a throw-in, in favour of Ghana. The Nigerians are getting jittery in their 18 box. Stephen Keshi is not scared; he was a tough defender. (May his soul rest in peace). CK Akonnor tries to score from a 30-yard stretch after Abedi Pele sends him a smart back pass but oh nooo; it is almost there. For the records, CK scored some of the most important goals for Ghana with his left foot those days. Stephen Keshi quickly chests the ball and sends a basket kick to Friday Ekpoh. What could Friday Ekpoh do with the ball heading towards the Black Stars territory! Oh he is down with an injury suspected to be a torn ligament.
The ball gets blown away deliberately into safety by Kwame Ayew when the referee’s whistle signals a foul. So who is down? Thank God it’s Ghana vs Nigeria again though not Friday, the Naija player who was brought down is called Friday Elahorrrrrrrr! Hahaaaaa!
You see, when Africa is getting boring and we need some excitement, all we need to do is to organize a football match between these two countries and the whole world becomes alert; the same way a sleeping congregation wakes up from their slumber whenever the boring pastor changes the sermon to ‘fornication’ – everyone becomes alert; I still don’t know why!
Let’s enjoy some unserious business with this abstract while we wait to see what happens between the Blacks Stars of Ghana and the Super Eagles of Nigeria tonight in their unity ‘son-tin son-tin’. Let’s take it easy on ourselves. After all, it is only Ghana vs our God-given cousins, Nigeria. We compete on everything except one thing – healthy competition. The number of Ghana-Nigeria inter-marriages? You can’t count! The big day is tonight in the UK.
So the previous previous line-up: Abedi Ayew Pele, Tony Yeboah, Tony Baffoe, C.K Akonnor, Emmanuel Armah ‘Senegal’, Prince Polley, Kwame Ayew, Frimpong Manso, Edward Ansah, Frank Amankwa, Ahmed Gago, Sam Johnson, Richard Nawu and Isaac Asare. These were some of the most familiar names in AFCON 1992 and 1994. The Stars didn’t win the ultimate trophy but they still made us happy.
This squad came against familiar Nigerian names such as Friday Okpoh, Friday Elahor, Sunday Oliseh, Daniel Amokachi, Alloysis Agu, Stephen Keshi (MHSRIP), Austin Eguavoen, Ben Iroha, Nduka Ugbade, Thompson Oliha, Austin Okocha, Rashidi Yekini (MHSRIP), Samson Siasia, Emmanuel Amunike, Finidi George (the name that sounded so nice to pronounce by commentators with Caucasian accent and music to the ears of those of us who watched soccer on TV). Egbon Finidi George, where Una dey nau? Everything cool? A few years ago, I heard the voice of your Brother, Yakubu Ayigbeni famously known for his star performance in the AFCON 2008 hosted by Ghana. It was such a delight listening to him on JOY FM when Nathaniel Attoh engaged him on his Sports Show. The man spoke softly but sarcastically promised to loan Ghana some strikers if we so wish! Nostalgic – was the feeling. My ‘countryman’, in case you didn’t know, a Ghanaian Ewe who hails from the Volta Region is often politely referred to as ‘Ayigbeni’ and you have decided to own that name without permit. You alone! How manage? Hahaaa!
Language is something else. Let’s continue to be united. We all don’t know where we are really coming from. You know the Yuroba word for ‘blacksmith’ is ‘agbede’ the same way the Ewes (Ayigbenis of which I am one) in Ghana, Togo and Benin call a ‘blacksmith’. Yeso!
There are other words that sound common to the people of Yuroba land and the people of the Volta Regions (I mean, proud Ayigbenis) but have different meanings. I got irritated at a point because everyone addressed me as ‘Egbon’. Ask a Volta man from Ghana what it means to enable you have a good laugh!
Football is played on the field; jollof is prepared in the kitchen, not the verandah! There was this anecdote that after Nigerians started copying Ghana jollof, it was not copy copy after all. This is what happened, the anecdote narrates: a Nigerian lady visited Ghana and saw jollof at a wedding, tasted it and it was nice. She went back home and saw her husband preparing stew. The stew looked watery, disorganized, ill-prepared and visually unappetizing. Then she shared the idea with her husband: “Oga, make you pour the rice inside the stew and cover it small. It will boil and simmer and something nice will come from it. I saw something like that in Ghana – the smoke-filled funeral jollof” Na in! That is what probably gave birth to Nigerian jollof. So in reality, Nigerian jollof was born out of a mistake. In practice Ghana jollof is original in character till you meet a Ghanaian jollof preparer who does not know the difference between tuna flakes and assorted meat prepare one for you to eat. Then you will realise that the debate on who reigns supreme in this jollof industry is neither a Ghanaian nor a Nigerian. At the end of the day, we are the same people! Na so ooo!
We have so many things in common and others that sound Ghanaian but with different meanings. The most intriguing one was this one. The Yuroba name for susu (savings) box. It got me laughing till now! I asked for the Yuroba name for susu box, abeg, your wife sef go bore rof, herh! They described it as ‘that box wey you go put something small small for inside everyday till na in begin to become ‘pregnant’ then you open am comot Naira’! I exploded with laughter when they gave the name in Yuroba.
It is called ‘kl’. Just fill in the gaps but if it turns out to be ‘kala’, it is wrong. If it is ‘kulu’, it is still wrong. ‘Kili’ is wrong too. ‘Kele’ is over the bar! There are five vowels in the 26 letters of the English alphabets; I have already used 4 here. Find the asterix! You can now get the answer by looking for the last one and use it to substitute the asterisks in: ‘kl’.
Fill it and pronounce it loudly for the Ewe ladies near you to hear. You can also use it in a sentence e.g, ‘Can I open your kl’ and put some coins inside?’. Don’t wait for a response o; you are on our own. The only safe place to say this is in Yuroba land, not among my Ayigbe people! The spelling and the tonation are the same but different meanings.
When I told them that in my language it means ‘a lady’s ‘this thing’ where married men enjoy’, they nearly collapsed from laughter. Am feeling shy to say it mpo but ask any Ayigbeni friend how Ewes call it. The Bible says husbands should enjoy their wives. Where? That should give you a clue.
That is how the Yurobas call ‘susu box’!
Ghana and Nigeria’s clash this evening may present similar commonalities and differences but remember if you have two wives who have been ‘fighting’ each other, please allow the ‘fights’.
Just be happy. Otherwise the day they team up against you, you are finished. It is my dream that Ghana and Nigeria will form one soccer team some day to play against the rest of the world. That would be the beginning of ‘noise’ at deafening decibels…and of course…excitement! These two? Hmmm! You don’t know.
For now, allow us to ‘fight’ for 90 minutes – the unity becomes stronger but remember to eat your jollof first!