Lighthearted: Empty seat – Nsemkeka

Lighthearted: Empty seat – Nsemkeka

“Egya sat at his desk at night. He is so spent, yet he is unable to leave the office. Too many deadlines to meet, many emails to respond to. His companions are papers, and his desktop is surrounded by reminder stickers. Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown, right? He got up to pace around before continuing with his work. He stopped at the corner of his desk, where he placed his family photos. He was just glancing at the photo of Ndidi, his five-year-old daughter. Hot tears stung the corners of his eyes. He reached for his handkerchief and wiped them quickly. “b33ma ensu”, he muttered to himself.

It was Ndidi’s first day in a new school, but he hadn’t been there to wish her well like he had planned to.

His wife had sent him a video of how the school welcomed Ndidi and her schoolmates on reopening day. Ndidi said hello to him in the video and said, “I wish you were here today, Daddy.” She had a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. Egya replayed the video twice, haunted by the half smile his daughter wore. “I’m doing this for them,” he kept telling himself, but the weight of all the missed moments began to settle.

He so wanted this promotion that he promised to give his family the life he had always dreamt of. But in his bid to secure their future, Egya seems to be losing out on the present.”
Does this short story ring a bell? Are you an Egya, his female version, or perhaps you are an old Ndidi? Hmmm, it is a tough one.
Why do we work?

There are many reasons we work, but basically, we work to satisfy our curiosity, be independent, earn and spend on basic needs. We work to maintain our family and not to be distant from it.
The narrative is different these days. Our quest to satisfy the needs of our family leads us to be so engrossed in making money that we make the money, alright, but we are so far away from family.

A story is told of a boy who was asked by his teacher to draw his family. He drew his dad, his sister, their pet and an empty seat. His teacher asked why there was an empty seat, and he said that it represented his mum, who is usually away working. Isn’t this sad?

There are many mums, dads and in some cases both parents who are seen as empty seats by their children. They work so hard to pay the fees and bills but are so absent in the lives of their children.

The truth is, usually, we become empty seats unintentionally.

When was the last time you assisted your children with their homework? When was the last time you took them to school and bade them the have-a-good-day-at-school bye? When was the last time you watched them creating something and commended them afterwards? When was the last time you had a conversation with them and enjoyed their company, laughs and giggles? If you are guilty, say ‘aye’.

Looks like the ayes have it. How do we go around this? The money needs to be made, but family time has to be made as well. We necessarily need to strike a balance. These could help:
Let your leave make a difference. Create a family tradition with your annual leave. For example, go out as a family to visit a place you haven’t been to before; take some casual trips. This would be most effective if you planned your leave at a time when your children are on school break.

Make holidays carry some family magic. Whether it is a midweek holiday or not, say no to office work and make time for activities such as Family Cook Day. Mum, Dad and children can prepare an interesting meal that the family hasn’t ever tried. It should be a simple meal that will be fun to prepare.

On weekends, clean up together; reward any son or daughter who cleans the best. Take photos and videos when they receive their cleaning champ special awards, and save these images/videos in a family photo folder.

Additionally, declare some rooms in your home, family zones. If your dining area is your family zone, for example, take no phones, tablets, laptops or any gadget that forces you to work there. Do everything family there. Have conversations, discuss the week with your family, watch good family movies and share stories.
Just enjoy the company of your family members.

We all need to work at sharpening our bond with our families. In most cases, we cannot quit the jobs we have that take up our time, but we can consciously make time for our families, too. Our weekends, holidays and leave days must compensate for what we lose during the week.
Being present in our families is mandatory.

Say no to empty seats.

Cheers!

Lighthearted is a page intended to release happy hormones in your system. It addresses everyday issues in a casual and informal way. Serious issues are discussed in a relaxed manner. Release the tension as you read it. It’s as breezy as it is insightful. Enjoy!